This was a really inspiring read, thank you! I love your writing and I really resonated with this flow of thoughts - so beautifully said. I'm often caught up in preparations for the future, I feel such an urgency, to do 'better' etc. I sometimes forget where I am in the present and that being at 4 is ok sometimes, we don't have to operate at full steam all the time. Ye, wow. Lotsa realisations! :)
There are so many ideas here that I want to respond to! First of all re: quitting vision board grind and pathological cheerfulness - yes. You are absolutely fucking fine. I see myself in this, too - I just feel like the default has been to push against a stone for no reason, like push for the most happiness and the best opportunities and the most most most all the time, and that is no way to live life. "Let life rock me" is such a cool way to put it. I read somewhere that in order to write about something significant in life, you have to put up with living through it, and that's been easing my fear of a) big change and b) not living the perfect most peaceful joyful life. I fell prey to pathological cheeriness for so long that I now want to undo the compulsion to "be nice" and to backbend to keep things sunny, so I am all for rants and quitting at this point in time. It's a little scary to see how much I blinded myself to by cutting anything negative out of my attention (especially in my teen years). Now I'm just letting my attention wander where it does and thinking about how to embrace the darkness when I'm pulled there instead of fighting it with every ounce of my being.
And second, re: people on the internet being MEAN and evil eyes - yeah, they are. Ideas of substance get a rise out of people. I haven't experienced this overmuch because I'm a literal mouse and have protected myself by saying nothing at all, but I imagine that I would feel it if I spoke louder (which I want to do). For what it's worth, though, I've enjoyed your reflections and your perspective. I value your writing and the way you express the things you care about. Just wanted to share that there's a friendly eye over here 👋 🧿 instead of an evil eye, since sometimes it's helpful to know there are so many people in your corner. Thanks always for writing!
This was a really inspiring read, thank you! I love your writing and I really resonated with this flow of thoughts - so beautifully said. I'm often caught up in preparations for the future, I feel such an urgency, to do 'better' etc. I sometimes forget where I am in the present and that being at 4 is ok sometimes, we don't have to operate at full steam all the time. Ye, wow. Lotsa realisations! :)
There are so many ideas here that I want to respond to! First of all re: quitting vision board grind and pathological cheerfulness - yes. You are absolutely fucking fine. I see myself in this, too - I just feel like the default has been to push against a stone for no reason, like push for the most happiness and the best opportunities and the most most most all the time, and that is no way to live life. "Let life rock me" is such a cool way to put it. I read somewhere that in order to write about something significant in life, you have to put up with living through it, and that's been easing my fear of a) big change and b) not living the perfect most peaceful joyful life. I fell prey to pathological cheeriness for so long that I now want to undo the compulsion to "be nice" and to backbend to keep things sunny, so I am all for rants and quitting at this point in time. It's a little scary to see how much I blinded myself to by cutting anything negative out of my attention (especially in my teen years). Now I'm just letting my attention wander where it does and thinking about how to embrace the darkness when I'm pulled there instead of fighting it with every ounce of my being.
And second, re: people on the internet being MEAN and evil eyes - yeah, they are. Ideas of substance get a rise out of people. I haven't experienced this overmuch because I'm a literal mouse and have protected myself by saying nothing at all, but I imagine that I would feel it if I spoke louder (which I want to do). For what it's worth, though, I've enjoyed your reflections and your perspective. I value your writing and the way you express the things you care about. Just wanted to share that there's a friendly eye over here 👋 🧿 instead of an evil eye, since sometimes it's helpful to know there are so many people in your corner. Thanks always for writing!
Thank you, this was gorgeous and a great reminder ❤️
Now this is MY boba manifesto